Your toes curl as you creep towards it. Your pulse quickens, which reminds you that you have one. Your face is as hot as a bowl of tomato soup and the color to match. Here you are once again. At the edge. One…two…wait! Who will water the plants?
Reality rears its head and snaps you back. You were just about to go for it. You were a click away from your life-long dream and yet somehow a minuscule component of your life has wedged its way to the forefront of your mind, making way for a parade of thoughts reminding you why you should not. Well I hardly speak the language; I should have a stronger grasp on that before booking. Oh and the kids, I think they’d be really concerned if I went…or jealous…and let’s face it, I can’t afford to take them with. Besides if I took them it wouldn’t be fair to leave the grandkids. Do they even have time for this in their schedules? Still, I can’t afford it. Ah, and Karen’s birthday is during that time. It’s her 50th. I can’t miss that. No, no, I’d better not. Next year.
That’s what you said two years ago but then you had that thing—remember the thing? Something kept you, though you’re not sure what, but it must have been important. You were going to go five years before that, but there was that other thing. Come to think of it, there has been a “thing” every time you came remotely close to doing this. To finally going where you’ve dreamed of going since before all these “things” overtook your life. Filling it with complications, therefore giving you all the reasons as to why you shouldn’t pursue this dream. So why, even with all these reasons, do you still feel that pull? That void that deepens continuously and only seems to shrink when you’re getting close. When you’re as close as you can be without actually taking the leap—at the edge.
Deep down, at the very core of who you are, this is something you were meant to do. There’s this natural curiosity that you can’t deny. Your heart yearns for this place you’ve been wanting to go to, the one you seem to always be saying “one day” to. It mystifies you for reasons you can’t fully explain, but it captivates you none the less and simply will not let you go. You shove the thought of it to the back of your mind, but it surfaces time and time again, making it exceedingly difficult for you to ignore. You’ve become skilled at conjuring reasons why this place is not somewhere you can go right now. Truthfully, each reason is another disappointment to no one else but yourself.
This is your life dream that YOU are holding yourself back from. Staying clear of the edge for the fear of the fall. Remember all of those “things” in life that have kept you from doing this? Some of them have been beautiful things. The joy of raising your family, the work you put into your career, and the relationships that you built that in turn built you. These are all things that you treasure but you had to jump for. You had to clear the edge. This is no different. It’s something you’ll treasure forever, but you must jump. It only feels different because you’ll be landing in a different place.
Curl your toes. Feel your pulse. Things are heating up. It’s time to leave the edge.
By Angela Maere
